Tag Archives: women

WorkCrush {another update}

14 Sep

Well, he was gone for a whole weekend and I didn’t miss him. I thought about him… But miss? Not really.

I guess that gives me my answer.

I’m not sure why I’m so reluctant to admit that I don’t want to be with this guy?

That’s all I’ve got for now… my head is too full.

Playbook Pages {saying goodbye}

12 Sep

Thanks again for inviting me over last night. I’m really happy I got to see you. But I’ve been thinking that maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore. I just have a lot on my mind right now and don’t really have enough time to dedicate to someone else. It’s just not fair to you. I’m trying to juggle too much, and unfortunately it’s affecting the way I act toward you. Maybe we can pick things up sometime down the road, but for now I think I’m just going through too much. I’m sorry.

I always keep a copy of this text as a draft in the notes section of my phone. You never know when you may have to get rid of someone. This was actually the text I sent to 30-Something a few hours after leaving his immaculate apartment for the last time. When I sent it to 30-something I truly meant everything I had typed. Now I am contemplating sending it to WorkCrush, and as I ponder, I realize the words are more true now than they even were before.

But am I really ready to get rid of WorkCrush? As a general rule, I tend to have the relationship attention span of a butterfly: I see something fun/great/sexy, enjoy myself, get bored and then happily flit away. Unfortunately, because of the reasons listed in the text {I’m busy; I’m tired; my stress-level has been sky-high}, I currently have the attention span of a hornet: I’m still attracted to similar things, but when I get bored instead of flitting away happily I get angry… and sting.

Right now I’m currently on a very bumpy roller-coaster with WorkCrush. One minute I really like him and want to kiss him atop his cute little shaved head, and then next I roll my eyes and want to run away because I find him so obnoxious. And please understand that when I say “one minute and then the next” I’m really talking minute-to-minute here. I feel like a legitimate crazy person because I can’t get my head clear about this. I’m bumbling around my love-life like a confused homeless person. Not cute.

Here’s a little of the inner dialogue for your reading pleasure: He’s a genuinely sweet person, so I should want to be with him, right? But sweet people shouldn’t have to put-up with bitchy, crazy people, right? But I deserve a nice guy too, right? But nice isn’t really worth it if it comes along with extreme annoyances, right? UGH. What to do… what to do… buzz buzz… buzz buzz.

Playbook Pages {workcrush update}

19 Aug

Seeing you makes my day happier… 🙂

As I hit send on my sappy g-chat message, I realize I actually mean it.

My work crush and I had hung out a total of 3 times outside of work, but I was starting to realize that I wanted to see him more often. I first noticed it when I had to sit and interview possible roommates off of Craigslist. I set-up a four hour block of time for strangers to just pop in and out of my life. For both my safety and my sanity, I didn’t want to sit there alone; somehow, when I realized I needed a buddy, the first person I thought of was WorkCrush.

The second time I noticed it was when he had to leave my open-house to go to improv practice {yes, I said improv practice}, and I didn’t want him to go. So, we made plans to go to a movie later that night and it tied me over.

A few nights later, when he slipped away from his department to walk me to the bus stop, I got it again–the same little tug that I didn’t want him to leave. It got worse when I was on the bus and realized that I wished he was coming over after he got off.

And then today, when I snuck into the studio to give him a hug, I realized I wish we got off of work at the same time so I could be around him a little longer.
Could it be that I have an ACTUAL crush on my WorkCrush?


When my chat box starts to blink, I get a little nervous. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent that! But then I read his response…

The feeling is mutual. I was just thinking about that same thing.

ToDo List {cutiecollegelookingboy}

16 Aug

Oh, what’s up, CutieCollegeLookingBoy!?

You remind me of pretty much ever crush I ever had in college. You look like a West coast boy with your cargo shorts and your striped rugby shirt, your Jansport backpack and low-cut Nikes.

Broad shoulders holding up a cutie-pie face, cropped hair and big headphones.

Going to study on a Saturday, huh? I like it.

You’re taller than most boys in these parts… I like that too 🙂

Overall, CutieCollegeLookingBoy, I’d like to do you.

ToDo List {sexylongboarderboy}

15 Aug

Well, hello, SexyLongBoarderBoy!

Look at you with your longboard… Walking around with no shirt on, then putting your shirt on. It’s all just so cute.

Even your ridiculous white watch is cute.

You are what I think of when I hear the phrase “boys of summer,” with your jet black hair and your tan skin.

Overall, SexyLongBoarderBoy, I’d like to do you.

This Morning {step 1}

13 Aug

Breathe in… Breathe out.

I swear it feels like my heart hurts… but maybe it’s just my lungs. My sternum and diaphragm feel tight and rigid. Breathing takes actual effort. I feel like I pulled a muscle somewhere in my neck, and my sore throat makes it painful to talk. Maybe I’m getting sick…but I think it’s just from crying. My whole face feels like its been punched and bruised, but it’s probably just the swelling around my eyes. Keeping my eyes open at my desk actually takes effort, too; they are so puffy that they just feel better closed.

I look around my newsroom and take a deep breath… In and then out.

The pain shoots through my chest… Maybe it’s just my lungs, but I swear it feels like my heart.

This Morning {the morning after}

10 Aug

Well, my eyes look about as red and puffy as I thought they would. My hair looks a little better though… go figs.

I don’t know why he insists on torturing me, but I want him next to me so badly that I push the feeling that this is all fake back, far into my head. I’ll deal with that when his hand isn’t on my waist pulling me closer to him and I can’t feel his breath on my neck.

Ugh. Torture.

As I try to relax into the wall of his body, I try to ignore images and sounds flooding back from last night.
me: So, are you EVER going to kiss me?
him: {silence… I can’t look at him.} No.
me: Wow. Really?
him: Really.

My only other thought, as I’m curled into his trying to dodge the light of day, is that I wish I could do this every morning. I wish I could have this man next to me all the time.

You know... like this. But more terrible and painful.

 

This, apparently, is my wake-up call; not a figurative one {though that’s probably well on its way, too}, but a literal one. This big man coming into my room and climbing into bed next to me certainly woke me up; whether or not it will make me get out of bed is another story.

I have a headache… probably from the whopping 3 drinks at the Comedy Cellar; the extreme lack of food consumed yesterday; and the fact that I spent a combined total of about 2 hours crying last night. Oh, yes. I cried. I cried standing up, I cried sitting down, I cried on him, I cried next to him, I cried under him, I cried into my pillow and into the phone to my sister.

Hopefully, I’m done with that… but the lump in my throat tells me otherwise. So does the dull ache in my heart.