Playbook Pages {clearing my mind}

12 Oct

The first time I realized I liked Homegrown was the first time we got drinks. More important than what we did that night, I suppose, is where on the time line of the week our meeting fell.

The day before I hung out with Homegrown for the first time I had hung out with WorkCrush for the first time in weeks. It was the first time we had spent more than a few minutes together since my crazy episode–when I tried to break it off with him, cried like a banshee, talked myself in circles for 4 hours.

Then asked if we could just forget the whole thing had happened; he said no. Then I asked if he could stay the night; he said yes. Then we had crazy animal sex, and the next day he left for Florida for the weekend and then some.

After he got back, we didn’t really talk. I had to get my head back on straight. After I did, I kept getting this urge to make-out with him. One afternoon I acted on it. We met at a Starbucks on his way to work and we ended up making-out under umbrellas in the pouring rain on the corner of 57th and 9th. I liked him again.

Flash forward to the night before I hung out with Homegrown. I met WorkCrush at Union Square, and in usual WorkCrush-fashion we had a talk… a long one. I still don’t understand what it is that makes me spill all of my guts–even ones I don’t think are really mine–to him. We covered the usual: I apologized for being crazy, he said it was fine {it wasn’t}; he said he felt jerked around, I apologized but said I didn’t do it on purpose {I didn’t}; I said I just wanted to stay in the “grey” and see where things went {I did}; he claimed he was fine with that {he wasn’t}. After our “talk” I just felt more confused than anything, but in an effort to put it all in the past and move on, I agreed to go to his house.

When we got there we smoked and a funny thing happened: the higher I got, the clearer my head got. And the clearer my head got, the more he started to annoy me. As he cuddled his body into mine, putting his head on my chest, he looked up at me with his big brown doe eyes and dimpled smile as if to say, “You’re so cute. This is so us!” The whole thing instantly made me want to vom, so I took the route of my only possible defense {that wasn’t screaming at him to get off of me}: I fell into a deep, stoned sleep.

Kind of like this... but more vommy.

When I woke up, my head was still clear. Probably because of my clear head, I also awoke with a sick feeling deep in my stomach. What had I done?!

Convinced meeting up with a random would either A) reignite my feelings for WorkCrush {doubtful} or B) at least distract me from the fact that I felt like a total crazy person {also doubtful}, I agreed to meet up with Homegrown that night.

Homegrown and I had met for literally 5 minutes at a football watch party for our college alma mater. We had exchanged numbers and then a few texts, but with my head still clear it only took another 5 minutes with him to realize that he was the opposite of a doe-eyed cuddler.

He was different from any of the East coast boys I had met out here; he was from the West coast like me. He was homegrown… and I was hooked.



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