Playbook Pages {I just want to be…friends}

16 Aug

I’ll be right back.

It was literally moments after he came, but I was scrambling out of bed and heading to the bathroom feeling as bored and frustrated–exasperated?–as I have every other time we’ve slept together. When I get in the bathroom I have one of those movie moments where I stare at myself in the mirror with one of those super disappointed looks on my face and shake my head. A shudder runs through my body as the last 15 minutes comes back in flashes. How can he enjoy it so much when I hate it so much?

And that’s when it hits me, a different kind of flash–a strong realization: I am such a hypocrite! Here I am going on and on about bad sex and how annoying and frustrating it is… yet I keep having it! Well, hello, Red! Why don’t you heed your own advice: STOP. It takes two to tango, and if you’re unhappy but refuse to change anything then the only person to blame is yourself!

Well crap. Now what do I do? This is usually why I keep my sex and dating separate. The guys I like to date are the not the same ones I want to sleep with; the ones I like to sleep with I would never date.

In college this predicament actually worked in my favor. My schedule was busy enough that the guys who took me on dates never saw me often enough to feel attached or entitled. We were always “just starting to date.” I had a movie guy, a dinner guy, a day-date guy. These guys were basically just friends, but they picked me up at my apartment, paid for everything and usually kissed me goodnight.

Then there were the boys I slept with–my hook-ups and business partners. I had bar hook-ups, fraternity hook-ups and class hook-ups. We’d get drunk, have fun, never make it awkward and NEVER go on an actual date. My business partners were like more organized versions of a “fuck buddy;” we had regular meetings that were never broken. It was always just sex, but we communicated well and respected each other. One time I kept the same business partner for over a year and a half.

So why, may I ask, are things so complicated now? I still have business partners, but it seems like the guys in the dating pool are confused about their place. Apparently so am I. They keep wanting to sleep with me and I keep letting them. I really like 30-Something and feel like he’s a friend, but now that we’ve done it… how do we go back? Is that even possible?

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