Playbook Pages {the thirty-something bachelor}

30 Jul

Ahhhhh… the 30-something bachelor.
What a fun creature this is. Fun… as long as you keep your head on straight.

The first part of keeping your head on straight is keeping your well-meaning friends and family at bay. Anyone who cares about your love life or wants to see you “settled down and happy” will probably have close to the same thing to say when they hear you’re “hanging out” with a man of this breed: “He’s how old? …  So why isn’t he married?”

Now, if your head is on straight, this question should matter a lot more to them than it does to you. More than likely, here’s the answer: he’s not married because he doesn’t want to be! He has everything the way he likes it: a brand new apartment full of bright white furniture; a party-terrace the size of a yacht; weekends in Miami; catered impromptu get-togethers; and a car that still has the “new car” smell.

This is a REAL apartment.

Think about it. He just BOUGHT a ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT. That wasn’t bad planning, that was strategic planning–to deliver the message that he is happy on his own.

Now should you decide to “hangout” or “date” or “sleep with” or “hookup” {or whatever you want to call it} with this breed of man, you need to check your lady delusions at the door. Don’t worry. His building has a doorman… he’ll watch them for you.

The mistake that many young women make is looking at a handsome, funny, well-to-do bachelor and saying, Hello, marriage material! OOPS! Looks like one of those delusions followed you on to the elevator! Shoo it away. Say, Get out of here, little guy! I have a penthouse to explore! Because if a guy has all of these things AND a million-dollar bachelor pad, he is not looking to get marriage material.

Oh, sure… he’ll get married someday… when he’s over FORTY! But that event will have nothing to do with you. Let me tell you a few reasons why.

1) You’re not going to wait that long. They don’t give medals, or in this case, honking wedding rings, as prizes for successfully waiting someone out. And if you do know someone who got a ring this way, look at their marriage. Are they happy? Was the wait worth it?

2) He’ll marry someone, but it’s not going to be that girl he met at the bar that one time. Please do NOT confuse what I am saying here: you are not some ho or flirt or slut because you’re confident and can meet people anywhere.  He’ll probably end-up marrying his neighbor from when he was a kid… you know, the one his mom always loved? NOT because you’re not good enough, but because of the same reason your sister married her high school sweetheart and your friend married her dentist. People want to marry people who know them in their daily lives. And don’t get me wrong, people marry people they meet in bars, too! My parents met in a bar–but my dad wasn’t a single-life-loving, 30-something bachelor.

3) You’ll leave him first. You know how people talk about the whole being on a different page thing? Well, as it turns out, that’s actually a real thing and it applies here. You’re on the marriage page; he’s not. But here’s the great news! While you’re killing time and having fun with this 30-something bachelor, you’ll probably end up meeting someone who IS on the marriage page. Someone who wants to put a ring on it and doesn’t need to be told to do so. Then you’ll trade the polite, morning-after kisses on the cheek outside of posh, new construction apartments for real, genuine and loving kisses goodbye. And at that point, a million-dollar terrace may not mean as much as it seems to now.

But in the meantime, have fun with this creature! Accept the dinners on rooftops, weekends at the country club and jet-setting trips to Miami; but only if you can accept that this may be all. Enjoy all that the 30-something bachelor brings to the table, because, someday, you may not have an appetite for it anymore.

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